I. Conversations and Questions

As Jack headed toward the door, he glanced up at the yellow, faded sign and took in the gaudy light blue paint. The Cali Cafe had been one of his haunts since high school. He had a lot of fond memories of the place.

He had met his first high school girlfriend here, and he had finally lost her here as well. He had counseled friends and sought advice at the Cafe. But mostly, he had spent a lot of good times here; laughing, joking, and having fun with his buddies.

After having spent plenty of time there over the last 14 years, it almost felt like a second home to him. He took comfort in the slow service and the delicious food, and in its jumble of pop culture decoration, starving artist paintings, photographs, and varying degrees of crafts.

Mostly though, he loved the fact that it was a great place to sit for a time while enjoying a good cup of coffee and even better conversation. And while the cafe was many things to him, it was his favorite place to get therapy from his friend Alex.

He couldn't remember when he met Alex. At times, it seemed as though he'd known him his whole life. He'd been there during good and bad times, and was the epitome of what Jack thought a good friend should be.

He was patient, thoughtful, and kind. Alex didn't talk over him. Rather, he listened intently to what Jack had to say. He didn't give advice so much as ask the kind of questions that would lead Jack to his own answers.

Given his current crisis, Jack needed his help more than ever. He needed his reasoning mind and hoped Alex would be able to ask the questions that would make everything fall into place.

With a small smile to himself, Jack opened the door and walked in. The Cafe was a "seat yourself" kind of place, and as usual, there was no one to greet him as he stepped inside. He stole a quick glance around and spotted Alex sitting in the corner by the windows. It was where they'd always sat, if it was available, since high school.

It was a  Saturday afternoon and it looked like business was a bit slow. Four tables were taken on their side of the cafe. Because of the large display racks at the entrance, he couldn't tell if anyone was sitting on the other side.

Jack wasn't sure why it even should matter, decided that it didn't, then began to make his way toward Alex. Some of the people sitting at the tables glanced toward him. He smiled and gave them a polite nod. A few smiled at him as they continued their own conversations.

Alex was looking out the window, sipping his cup of coffee when Jack pulled out a chair. He looked over at him with a smile on his face. Alex always seemed to either be smiling or had the hint of one on his lips.

"Hey, bud," said Alex in his ever friendly tone. He rarely called him Jack unless he was preparing to fire off one of his revelatory questions.

"Hey, Alex," Jack replied as he curled up a leg on the seat and got comfortable. "Thanks for meeting me on such short notice."

"Not a problem, dude. Always happy to be there for an old friend," he said as he reached out a hand.

Jack clasped the hand and shook it.

"I hear tell that you're having problems of the female variety."

Jack chuckled a bit. "Do I ever have any other kind?"

Alex looked out the window, appearing to be very deep in thought. "Hmm. Well," he finally said. "I think that there might have been one time..."

He emphasized the word "one", then trailed off with a big grin on his face.

"Ha ha," said Jack, clearly not amused.

"I'm just messing with you, bud," said Alex. "It doesn't matter what the problem is. I'm just glad I can be here for you."

He smiled as he took a sip of his coffee. His eyes glanced to the right as the waitress approached the table.

"Me,too," said Jack.

As the waitress stepped to the table, Alex placed his hand over his cup and let his gaze venture back out the window. Jack looked at him for a moment, smiled, then turned his attention to the girl.

"Hello," she said with a big smile on her face. "What can I get for you today?"

"I think I'll get a  Mega Cup," said Jack. It was his usual drink. Three shots of espresso, hot chocolate, and topped in whipped cream. It probably wasn't the most heart healthy drink, but damn was it good.

"A Mega Cup," she repeated. "Anything else?"

"I think that'll do for now."

She smiled and gave him a nod. "I'll be right back with it."

Jack turned his attention back to Alex as the waitress walked back to the counter. He saw that his eyes were following the girl, silently taking in her every move. Alex always seemed to soak in his surroundings, be it the people or simply the decor. His attention to the details was one of the things that seemed to make him such a good listener.

"So," said Alex, bringing Jack out of his contemplations. "What can you tell me?"

Jack heaved a sigh, preparing himself mentally for what he knew would be a difficult conversation. He wasn't entirely sure of where to begin.

"Dude, just take it from the top," Alex said, seeming to sense his inner struggle. Damn, but he was good at that.

Jack collected his thoughts for a moment longer while Alex sipped his coffee and smiled patiently. When he set down his cup, he placed his right arm on the table and leaned in.

He was in listening mode now. His eyes bore into Jack, who knew that that was his cue to get on with it.

"Well," Jack began with a sigh. "You know about the break up."

Alex gave a small nod. "I heard."

"The thing is, I love Anne. I don't want to give up on her yet. But I did something that really pissed her off now and I'm afraid that my chance is completely ruined."

"I see," said Alex. His face was utterly calm, a complete opposite of the look etched on Jack's visage. "Why don't you tell me exactly what happened, and don't leave out any details."

Jack slowly nodded and began to tell his story. After a few minutes the waitress came by with his drink. She smiled at him as he briefly paused his story to thank her. She seemed to be looking at him with some concern.

"Are you alright?" Her tone was friendly.

"Yeah, I'm good," Jack smiled. "Thanks."

She returned the smile. "You're welcome," she said as she turned to walk away.

Jack sipped his Mega Cup. It was perfection and warmed him inside. He smiled for a moment, in thought. As he began to remember where he was at in his story, the smile faded.

He continued giving the details of everything that had happened over the last six months or so. Alex listened attentively. Not once did he speak, except to ask for clarification or more details when he knew Jack was holding back.

It was something Alex had always been good at. He could sense when there was more to a story than Jack was giving him. Knowing he had such a good friend made it a lot easier for Jack to dish out the details.

He told Alex everything, from the first night when they'd discussed breaking up, and how it felt wrong from the moment he'd stepped out the door, all the way up to the present situation. He told him about his emotional ups and downs. Jack told Alex everything, knowing that his old friend would digest it all with sound reasoning.

Sound reasoning was exactly what Jack needed. He was driven by his emotions, and he knew it. Alex had once told him that while it was important to listen to his heart, it was even more important that his heart listen to his head. He hadn't come close to mastering this lesson, but with Alex to listen to him, Jack wasn't concerned about it.

"Would you like a refill?"

The sudden question startled Jack and he quickly turned his attention to the blonde haired waitress. He then noticed Alex had his hand over his cup and a big smile on his face. He also noticed that his Mega Cup was empty.

"Wow," he said with a self deprecating chuckle. "I guess I got a bit carried away."

He looked at the waitress who continued to smile brightly. "I think I'll have another Mega Cup," he said.

"Sure thing." She started to turn away, paused and looked back at him. "Are you sure you're alright? I mean, two Mega Cups is a lot of caffeine."

Jack nodded, and with a smile tinged by what Jack could only interpret as concern, she headed back to the counter to make his drink.

Jack gave Alex a questioning look.

"Yes," said Alex. "It's that obvious."

They both laughed at the truth of those words. One thing Jack had never been good at was hiding his emotions. It was a side effect of the way they seemed to control him.

"Yeah, well," Jack chuckled in acknowledgement, as though it was the way things were and couldn't be changed. The shrug of his shoulders said it all.

They shared a brief silence. Alex smiled and looked back out the window. Jack glanced around the cafe. A few of the people made eye contact. He smiled and raised his eyebrows, which garnered him a few smiles in return. Then the others quickly turned back to their conversations, only occasionally glancing in his direction.

He knew that he could get carried away when talking to Alex. He hoped that he wasn't getting too loud. It happened now and then, but it was still kind of embarrassing.

"So," said Alex, hunkering down to listen once again. "Back to your story."

"Of course," Jack said with a small chuckle. "Where was I?"

Alex laughed. "Leave it to you, bud. You were explaining the current situation and why you believe she's so angry with you."

"Ah. Well..."

Jack continued with his tale of woe, explaining what he thought Anne must be thinking and why. He told him how hurt the tone of he last letter was. But mostly, he wondered what he might be able to do or say to get her to understand his reasons for doing as he had done.

The waitress brought him his drink, her ever present smile a contrast the the angst that was etching into Jack's heart. He gave her a not, a brief smile, and thanked her.

"No problem," she said. "Just happy to put a smile on your face."

Jack beamed. "It's very much appreciated."

As she headed off to check on the other customers, Jack turned back to Alex. He seemed to be mulling over the details of Jack's story.

When he had a certain look on his face, Jack knew it was no time to talk. Alex seemed as though he were staring off at something far away that only he could see. It was as if time simply stopped for him.

Or perhaps, thought Jack, he stops. Perhaps when Alex was like this nothing mattered to him other than the topic at hand. He seemed to shut everything out and was alone with his thoughts. That he could do this anywhere, no matter how loud or crowded, still amazed Jack.

After what seemed like a small eternity, Alex came back from wherever it was he'd gone off to. He looked at Jack with a face blank of expression.

"Jack," he said. "It's been nearly six months. What exactly do you want?"

For the first time since he'd known him, Jack was a bit disappointed by one of his questions. Especially since it pertained to something that was so important to him. He wasn't sure what to say.

"Wha..." he stammered. "What do you mean? I told you what I want."

Now Alex was all business. His face took on the likeness of an attorney, firing off details at a witness that he knew was holding back.

"You told me she was angry and that you don't want her to be. You told me she was hurt by what you'd done and that if you could make her understand she might not be."

Jack just stared at him. He wanted to say something, but what?

"You told me that you miss her, and that you love her and that you don't want to give up," Alex continued. "You even told me that, even though it hurts, you don't want to stop loving her because you know that she loves you. You think that she is afraid or worried about what the future might bring, and that you don't want her to worry. You don't want her to be afraid."

"Exactly," Jack finally managed.

Alex's eyes bore into his. There was no malice there, thought the tone of his speech seemed a bit harsh. He seemed to be looking into Jack; into the depths of his heart.

Jack wanted to look away. His eyes seemed to be glued on Alex, who just sat there. For a moment, it reminded him of those times he would wake from a nightmare. He would go into the bathroom and stare into the mirror, as if to reassure himself that it had all just been a bad dream.

With his calm, unchanging facial expression, Alex finally spoke.

"Jack." His voice was soft, consoling. "Jack, you've told me much of what is, and of what you don't want."

He let the thought linger for a moment before continuing.

"But you've left out something that is infinitely more important."

"What do you mean," asked Jack. "I've told you everything I can think of."

Alex responded with a smile, but he looked somewhat sad. He gazed compassionately into his friend's eyes.

"Jack," he said softly. "What do you want? And more importantly, why?"

The gentle smile didn't leave his lips, but his eyes glanced to the right and he slowly brought his hand up over the top of his coffee mug. He shifted his gaze back out the window as the waitress approached.

"Finished another one? Would you like some water?"

For a moment, Jack just stared at Alex, unsure of how to respond to his question. It wasn't something he'd really thought about before. At least, when he had, it had never been something he had to think hard about.

"Um. Are you okay," the waitress asked. "Do you want me to come back in a bit?"

Jack finally looked up at her ash though he'd come out of a trance. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'll take another Mega Cup."

The waitress looked at him with surprise on her face. "Wow," she said. "I've never seen someone drink three in a row before. You're gonna have to go running or something."

"Why," asked Jack, completely oblivious to the joke.

She shook her head. "Never mind. I'll go grab one for you. Just don't go having a heart attack on me from all that caffeine."

Jack had already looked away from her. He was staring down at the table, wondering how to answer Alex's question.

"I'll be alright," he finally droned. "I'm always alright."

The softness of his voice, the way his shoulders slumped, and the way his gaze had settled on the decorated tabletop told the waitress otherwise.

"I'll just be a moment," she said softly while giving him a gentle touch on the arm.

Jack gave a small nod but continued to stare at the tabletop. Eventually, he looked up and thought to say something to Alex. Once again, his friend was gazing out the window, that far away look in his eyes.

What was he looking at? Where did his mind wander off to and why did it bring such a smile to his face. how was it that he always seemed so at peace with himself and the world at large?

And now, a new thought came to his mind. Why had his stomach suddenly become so uncomfortable? What was causing this shaking in his legs and this overall discomfort.

"Jack?"

He brought his eyes up to give Alex his attention. Now he would get the advice that he needed. Alex would say something profound and everything would be cleared up.

"Jack, I don't expect you to answer me right now."

What? This wasn't what he expected at all. The look on his face showed it.

"Don't give me that look," said Alex with a smile. "You need to give this some real thought.

"I know that I've been someone you turn to for advice for a long time. This time, it's up to you. I can't tell you what you want."

"But how am I supposed to figure it out?" The desperation in Jack's voice was evident. Alex sat silently for a moment, choosing his words.

"My suggestion is that you go for a hike. Bring a notebook along with you. Find a quiet spot, sit down and think about my question. Then don't come back until you find the answers.

"I can't be there to help because I don't want to have any sway over your answers.

"Now, go to the bathroom already!"

"What?"

Alex laughed. "You've had what? 3 or 4 Mega Cups now? You keep shifting around and your legs are shaking. Kind of obvious, isn't it?"

"Oh. Right," said Jack, realization dawning on him. "Be right back."

The waitress came by with his drink, just as he was getting up.

"It finally caught up with you, huh," she said with a giggle. She placed the cup on the table, her eyes still on him. The smile never left her face.

Jack grinned, embarrassed and looked sheepishly away. "Yeah. I guess so."

His face was red, and with the smile still on his face he headed off to take care of business.

*****

When he came back, Alex's seat and place at their table was empty. It'd been awhile since he'd done this, but Jack knew he must have had a good reason for it. He was always coming and going when someone needed him.

He sat and sipped his drink, contemplating. Alex was right. He had a lot to think about. Going on a hike seemed like as good an idea as any. Getting away from all of the noise and distraction would do him good.

Jack looked up as the waitress approached. She smiled her usual smile and said, "Please tell me you're not getting another one. I don't want to have to call an ambulance."

"Not at all," laughed Jack. "I'll just take the check please."

"Sure thing."

"Oh," Jack said, catching her as she began to walk away. "Did my friend pay his before he left? I was planning on picking it up for him."

The waitress slowly turned back toward him, a sly look on her face. She rested a hand on her hip and tapped her foot, mimicking an impatient school teacher. A slight smile crossed her lips as she eyed him.

"Hey," she said. "Are you trying to mess with me?"

"What do you mean." Jack was smiling, but confused.

"You've been sitting at that table for over 2 hours," she said. "By yourself."

Jack's smile melted.

"Don't you mess with me, mister," the waitress continued, a hint of baby talk encroaching on her voice. She gave him a playful, flirtatious poke with her finger and flashed a great big smile. Then she turned and walked back to the counter to get him his bill.

Jack couldn't bring himself to smile back.