The Divine

Author's Note: I have struggled to write this since December of 2011. It was meant to be my first crack at a full-length novel, and yet for some reason I could not quite get it out. I would write a paragraph or two, edit them. Delete them.

I would save the draft and come back to it over the weeks, months, only to begin the process over again.

Tonight I had the idea that if I could not quite get it out in the way I had originally intended, then perhaps a different format was required. I thought of the poem that inspired Stephen King's Dark Tower Series, "Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came", by Robert Browning. 

Here was a lengthy poem that told a story. And while mine does not rhyme and isn't nearly as long, it tells, to some degree, the tale that I needed to tell.

As many of my stories do, it began with tears. But what sparked the idea was a simple dedication, or declaration, in a wonderful book - The Prince of Thorns by Mark Lawrence. I do not know who he dedicated the book to, other than a name, nor what the dedication actually means. 

But it meant something to me.

All relationships, all loves have their good and bad moments. They have times when everything seems so right, and times when it all seems wrong. 

But it is never wrong to love. As Stephen Levine once said, love is the only rational act.

Love is the only rational act.

It isn't perfect, by any stretch, but then again... 

*****

"...the best parts were never broken."

He battled for years against many a foe
Defeated them all without a scratch
"Invincible" were the rumored tales
His wings outstretched, his halo bright

A rescue one day would change his life
He was mesmerized by her shining eyes
They fell in love thought there were concerns
if his enemies learned she might come to harm

She held his secret close to her heart
And at the end of the day he would come back to her
But time has a way of adding to strife
His love was afraid of losing him

She cried one night and begged him to stop
in her heart she knew it was a matter of time
So in the midst of battle she went out to him
Beseeched him to end it and just be with her

Distracted by this he was struck a blow from behind
In a brilliant flash his wings blew apart
He fell from the sky as a blazing ball of flame,
left a small crater where he crashed to the earth.

She ran to his side with tears in her eyes
Held his shattered form within her small arms
Blood trickled out as he struggled to speak
"I'm sorry," she said as she looked in his eyes.

"You were there for them all, I wanted you for me."
He looked into her eyes with tears flowing down
And smiled at the woman he had come to love
"It was always for you," he weakly spoke.

"I wanted to be worthy of the love that you gave."
With a groan and a grimace he pulled her close as he could.
A tear of blood fell from his eye
The wind swept up his broken feathers

Together they cried for the very last time

"I'm sorry," he said. "I left so much unspoken."
She said, "No my love...the best parts were unbroken."

Then with a shudder in her arms and a soft, gentle sigh
She watch her dear love, The Divine, slowly die.
The hero who had rescued her from above
Paid the ultimate price for the sake of their love

Phone calls and signs

"So if you're lonely, you know I'm here..." - Take Me Out, Franz Ferdinand

As the plane began its slow descent I knew that the butterflies in my stomach were from more than the change in altitude. Sure I had come back to see family, but I had also returned because home kept calling to me. ("Home is where the heart is.")

I had had dreams for weeks; they felt so real. Dreams of a hand, long absent, once again in mine. Eyes that I had longed to gaze into. A smile.

A whispered "I love you" in the soft grey-blue of the morning light...

And each time I would awaken, alone. Lost.

I would lay there for hours, thinking of what I needed to say ("It's only you"), what I needed to make known ("It can only be you"), what I needed to tell you ("You are the last I will love, the one that is home to my heart").

But as I sit here thinking ("Fortune favors the bold"), I realize that courage has eluded me. I am afraid, and I am hoping for a sign. Whispered words on the other end of the phone.

("I still love you. Come grow old with me.")

The Men in Black Suits

My Dearest Love,

last night the men in the black suits came for me.

My old horse had carried me across the miles and I was nearly to your door. The horse was lathered in sweat, and my bones ached. But when I saw the men I drew my sword and held it tightly in my hand.

It was not meant to be. There were too many of them.

One was called Regret. Another was named Sadness. There was also Guilt, Despondency, Pain, and Anger.

They were the ones that kept me from you and I am truly sorry. I swung my sword with all the strength left in me, but it wasn't enough. It was never enough.

I am writing this from the cell that they have locked me in. My heart aches at the thought that I was not strong enough to defeat them. It aches because they kept me from what should have been.

They kept me from you.

Now my time is running short and I am feeling weak. They have deprived me of the necessary nourishment that I need to keep going, and I am already so tired from my journey.

My love, as you read this, please know that I tried to get past them. I gave it all that I could, but I just was not strong enough.

I should have been stronger. For you. For me. For us.

The light is beginning to fade and the raven that I have captured to deliver this message is growing restless. He yearns to fly. To you.

Know that when you read this all of the love I ever had for you goes into these words. Know that I never gave up and will never give up.

Even as my body grows cold and weak, if I can find a way to come to you, I will. Because your love is all that I need. Your love, and your acceptance.

If I can find a way.

Until that time I will fight the men in the black suits. Until I can fight no more.

My love will always be with you and my heart will always be yours.

Under the Field of Stars

To the countless stars up in the sky
I beg "Please tell her true."
And each time you look upon the heavens
they're whispering
"He loves you."

~~~~~~~~

I look up at the evening sky
and my mind turns to you.
As I gaze upon the stars I ask
"Is she looking at them, too?"
My love for you it has no end
though we may be far apart.
When you stare up at the sky
please know
you are always in my heart.