Tonight i saw you, Anne. But it wasnt you. From across the room it seemed like you were here, though you were thousands of miles away.
Her hair looked like yours used to. Her gestures matched up and she seemed to laugh with the same mirth that you used to laugh with.
Before me. Before I ruined everything.
She even wore a dress like one you used to have. Red. Cute.
And then she came closer.
Not even close. Her looks paled to yours. Her smile had no pop. Her face, though pretty, didnt hold a candle to yours.
A let down. An understatement.
I dont know why i try to kid myself. I dont know why i bother. With anything. With me.
I suppose i do it because you would have wanted it that way. Lord knows i let you down enough. I failed you. Us.
I sometimes wish I'd never met you, Anne. I wish I'd never looked into your eyes. Never saw your beautiful smile.
Wish in one hand...
I know that i was wrong for you. It wasnt you (though you shouldered the blame often). It was me.
It was always me. Always my fault. Always letting you down.
I'm sorry for that. I wish i could make it up to you.
I dont think i can.
How dare i have professed my love for you and then failed. How dare i have set such lofty goals and then given up.
How dare i walk this earth after my disgrace.
I wont live forever. But i will hold to my shame and remember my failure until the day i die. Until the day my body catches up to my soul.
No one can replace you. And no girl that i meet out on the town can compare.
I had you for a spell. I'll let that be enough.
I love you, Anne. You and no other. I always did. And I'm sorry i wasnt able to live up to that.
