Faded Memory

With a shaking hand, he read from the blood-stained page.
---

My Dearest...One,

I am sitting alone atop a peak watching what will be my final sundown. It is a beautiful place. The air is crisp and the blues, violets, reds and oranges are more vivid than I imagined possible.

What is not vivid is my memory of you. Your face fades in my mind and I cannot accept such a thing. I cannot fathom it.

My heart still aches for you. The shame of my failing memory will go onto the list of all the shames I brought upon myself when it came to you. But I will never shame another.

You, as I once said, are the last I will ever love. To fall for another would be folly. You are the one I want to hold onto, but cannot. You are the one I want to laugh with, but will weep over. You  are the one I want to grow old with, but instead...I will not grow old. Or at least, not much older than I was when you would jokingly call me your old man. And I do feel old.

The light is beginning to fade from the day now. Soon it will fade from my eyes and I will enter an eternal night. One from which I will suffer no dreams. No dreams that I will wake up from and forget you. All over. Again.

Once you asked me if I needed everyone to like me, or if you were enough. I know how to answer that now. Yes, I wanted others, everyone, to like me. But you were the only one I ever wanted to love me. You were enough, but I was never able to make that clear to you. Just as I can no longer close my eyes and see your beautiful face clearly. Yet another of my failures.

I don't know if you'll read this. I'm putting it here in the hopes that you won't, but will understand why I've gone away if you do. I know this isn't something you would have expected. Not even from me.

I love you, always. And if that love be unrequited, then I would no longer breathe the air, for it has become stale to me. I would no longer bathe in the sunlight, for it chills me with memories of holding your warmth in my arms. I will no longer look upon the stars, for they would ever remind me of your eyes.

Cheese. I know. And you used to love that about me. But now, what is there to love?

Nothing. I'm empty now. What you knew, loved is gone.

Goodbye my dearest. You were a treasure, and I lost you. Perhaps on the other side...

Perhaps.

---

Alex breathed a gentle sigh as he finished reading the letter. He took his time crumpling it up, feeling the changes in the texture as the paper gave way. He faltered slightly, nearly falling.

He eased down to his knees. His strength was fading. Looking over at Jack, he knew it was for the best. He had been losing control and it was only a matter of time.

Now that the time had come, Alex accepted it, though not with resignation. It was better this way.