Like It

Author's note: I wrote the following awhile ago in the field, after meeting someone whose company I greatly enjoy. After much thought, and letting the little voice have its say, I decided to tell it to shut its yap and let me enjoy this feeling that I thought was gone.

Sometimes, I hate to say, it pays to listen to the little voice. Still, I think it was worth it. And at least I'll always have my old muse.

*****

My heart skips a beat when you are near and my pulse races. I feel my skin grow warm in your presence and I hear myself think, "Is this something new?"

And then "he" reminds me. The voice that knows me best. It reminds me of who I am and what is meant to be.

"No," he says. "No."

It is simple and painful, but it's the truth. And while I feel elation, deep down in my heart, I know that the voice is right.

I am not meant for this. I am not deserving of some of life's little joys: the smell of sweet hair, the touch of a soft hand, the warmth of lips that match up with mine.

I will be alone.

And I will learn to like it.