Not Even an Ember

Jack had finally achieved one of the goals that he'd set before himself. While he knew that it would be some time before all of his other plans would come to fruition, his dream job was now in his grasp. It was a victory in many ways, but for Jack, it felt hollow.

Something, someone was missing.

He sat down on a creaky old chair with pen and notebook in hand. The dim light of the fading sun seemed a good metaphor for the way he felt right now. Bright still, but growing dark. He crossed on leg over the other and began to write a letter. It was a letter he knew he would never send.

Dear Anne,

I miss you. I've worked so hard to get where I am now and I know that I owe a lot of it to you. Had you never said goodbye, I might not be here now. 

I got my dream job. I'm happy, but the fires of joy can't seem to ignite inside of me. My heart fails to burn with passion, even for this. I guess that I've shed too many tears; my heart must be water-logged. There is no blaze, not even an ember. 

Silly, I know. It's been so long...

I'm looking at land now, someplace that I can build a home. You wouldn't believe the deals out here, though since there is virtually nothing but shrubs, trees, desert and mountains, maybe you could. I don't know if you'd love it the way I do, or see it as I see it. I know that you wouldn't want to be here with me, so far away from the people and things that you love.

It's difficult for me to be here, too. Because the people that I love are so far away I find myself being in two places at once. I feel insane for having these kinds of thoughts and emotions, but maybe that's what my love for you has always been - a bit of madness anchored by the reality that I could be loved by someone...like you.

Or maybe the madness is holding onto something that has long since gone, or perhaps was never there to begin with.

I have no way of knowing these things. All I know is this - when I'm standing outside in the chill mountain air, seeing my breath as I look upon the sky, I think of you and hope that we're sharing something even at such a great distance. When I'm gazing at the moon and the stars, I hope that you are too, and that somehow by some magic of reflection and refraction, I'm seeing you again. 

And when I smile at the sight of the infinite sky, I'm smiling as though I'm gazing into the infinite depths that are your eyes...and that somehow you know that no matter what happens, no matter how far away you are and no matter what life might throw at you, when you look up at the sky you'll always be reminded that I love you and will until all those stars are gone.

Jack paused a moment, thinking of how completely inept his words were and how sappy he must sound. He smiled to himself as he read what he'd written so far. His eyes had begun to water a bit and with a small laugh and a shake of his head he tore the letter from his notebook. He crumbled it up and threw it in the trash.

Just another letter, never to be read.