Best Buds

"I hate this part, Homer," said Alex. "Waiting for videos to convert from one format to another blows."

Homer looked at him and sighed. "I know you do buddy. That's probably the only reason you're conversing with me."

Alex looked offended. He had known Homer for a few months and the two of them got along pretty well. He considered him a friend.

"That's nonsense and you know it," Alex replied. "I talk to you all the time. When I go outside to smoke, when I'm watching tv. All the time."

"I guess, but the way you talk to me seems a bit impersonal sometimes."

Alex couldn't believe they were having this conversation. "How can you say that dude? I would say that at least 90 percent of the time I'm talking to you, I'm looking right in the eye. And hell, a lot of those times I'm running my fingers through your hair or massaging your back."

"I suppose that's true."

"You suppose? Dude, what about the times when I'm rubbing your stomach," Alex asked. "Do you consider that impersonal?"

Homer just looked away with a huff. Alex couldn't believe that he was talking to him like this. After everything he'd done for him in the last few months, he thought Homer was being pretty ungrateful.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," said Homer. "You're the one with a problem."

"What the HELL are you talking about? What did I do," Alex yelled. He was getting seriously frustrated with the way Homer was behaving. "How do I have a problem? I'm always nice to you and I do talk to you. You're practically my best friend!"

"And you don't think that might be unhealthy," Homer questioned.

Alex looked incredulous. He was offended and hurt that this was even coming out of Homer's mouth. He thought they were friends.

"Why would I think that talking to my friend is a problem, or unhealthy?"

"Dude," said Homer, nonchalantly. "I'm a fucking dog."