Does not falter

Being without you has left an
emptiness inside of me that no one else
can ever hope to fill.
Another day passes, and yet my love for you is true and does not falter.
Usually I would move on to
someone else in the hopes that I could just let go of or cover up
everything that makes me feel the way I do.

I can't do that now because my heart is missing a piece and it's

difficult to explain, but to just move on would be a lie.
Once, you asked me why I love you. Isn't it obvious?

only you

'I look at your picture and realize that yours is the only face I want to see near me until the day I die. I want to grow old with you but I'm already old on the inside.

It's you.

You make me feel young. I am a complete person, except for one little piece. But that tiny piece in the most significant of all. That tiny little piece is you.

You are my reason for dealing with the stresses of the world. You are my reason for  doing my best and being kind to everyone I meet. You are the reason that my heart is full enough to share.

When I dream of you at night, I remember all of the good and bad things. There are many. But when I wake, I realize that I would rather have the good and bad with you than with anyone else in this world. The love I have for you is the greatest adventure I could hope for.

Like a roller coaster ride without the seat belts, you and I have our ups and downs. But I'll always love you...no matter what.'

With a flourish of his hand, Jack finished the letter. He carefully folded it up an placed it into an envelope. He didn't lick it, but instead just folded it up.

Jack placed the envelope onto the table, pausing briefly. He smiled at the memories he had shared with Anne. She had been his missing piece.

But that was a long time ago. Now, he would help her the best he could. What she didn't realize was that she was one of his beneficiaries. Once he did what needed doing, she would be a little better off (even if it meant just paying off her car).

Jack smiled at the thought of what was and what could have been while drinking from a bottle of Malbec. After he'd finished it he slammed it down onto the counter and began cutting.

Blood flowed from his arms, but all he could think of was her. He thought about what the blood he'd spilled could do to help her.

As his spirit slowly began to leave him, he thought of her.

He would see her again. All in good time.

Linger

Laughter as we sit together talking
outside having a picnic while
viewing the setting sun
everything seems right in the world

Laughter fades away and becomes blank stares
over burnt TV dinners
silence becomes emotional separation and
the world suddenly seems all wrong

Past mistakes come to mind
another failure that could have been avoided
if harsh words had
never been spoken

Love is still hidden away
it sometimes shows itself in strange
nightmares that scream at you about what might have been
gravitating toward anyone that might help
ease your troubled mind but you still
relapse into sadness because they are not the
someone that you long to hold close

Someone that you lay awake
thinking about
in the quiet hours of the
long
lonely nights

Road Tripping

Homer and I tore down I-15 South toward Los Angeles. At 100 mph, my Toyota Echo was a bit wobbly, but neither of us cared. I was completely annihilated on Jameson and Homer was sitting in the passenger seat smoking yet another oxycontin. With the windows down, the wind was roaring.

"Why the hell do you smoke that stuff, Homer," I shouted. "You're gonna OD if you're not careful."

"Bullshit dude," he replied, with a laugh. "This stuff is basically no worse than pot. Plus, if I gotta take a piss test, it leaves my system after just a few days."

"Whatever dude."

Homer just laughed some more and took another drag from his pipe. He usually smoked it on a flat piece of tinfoil, but it made sense to use the pipe considering the wind. After he was done, he stuck his head out the window and howled.

The road was a blur for me and due to my condition, I couldn't see beyond my headlights. We were driving to LA to try our luck at an audition for a TV show called "The Voice". I figured with my looks, that'd be my only shot. As for Homer, well, he was there for moral support.

We didn't hear about the auditions until recently and now we were hell bent on getting to them in time.

It was about 2 AM and I was tired from a long day at work. Homer was wide awake but relaxed, having spent the whole day sleeping and smoking his "cottons" as he called them. Lucky son of a bitch.

"Dude, you're veering off the road," said Homer. "Do you want me to drive?"

I eased the car back into the proper lane and glanced over at him. "Hell no," I said. "I let you drive and there's no way we make it. At least this way we have a chance."

"Maybe, but with the way you're swerving and nodding off you're bound to attract unwanted attention."

I just shook my head. "Go back to looking out the window and let me concentrate."

Homer shrugged and stuck his head back out the window. I glanced over at him, his hair flying in the wind, and wondered how the hell he could do that. I'd tried it once, and the air being forced into my face was just plain uncomfortable. But hey, to each his own, right?

The road started to fade and I thought that maybe something was wrong with my car. It had nearly a quarter million miles and something was bound to go. I thought it might be my alternator when I started to hear Homer shouting.

"Holy SHIT! Wake up, dude," he was screaming, seemingly from far away. I felt a dull thud on my shoulder, then a harder thud. I glanced furiously at Homer.

"What the hell man," I raged. "You trying to get us killed hitting my like that?" I must have lost some control when he hit me because we were riding the gravel on the side of the highway. I gently eased the car back onto the blacktop.

"Me? Dumb ass, you just fell asleep!"

"What the hell are you..." I shut my mouth when I realized that the headlights were just fine. "Holy shit."

"Yeah," said Homer. "Look, I know you're one helluva driver. But you've been downing whiskey since you got home and you've been working all day. Maybe I should take over."

His reasoning seemed sound enough for me. As usual, even when he was high as a kite, Homer could look at things calmly and rationally. That's part of what I liked about him.

"I really think that it would be best if I drive. Just pull over and we'll make the switch."

I gave it some thought. That was twice now that I'd started blacking out. I really wanted to make this audition, but Homer was right. If I kept driving, sooner or later we'd either get busted by the cops or worse.

"Alright," I said slowing the car and pulling over to the side of the road.

Though there weren't many, the cars that were on the highway flew past us in a blur. I got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side while Homer hopped over into my seat. He was adjusting the mirror as I sat down and buckled in.

"The gas is the one on the right, isn't it," he asked. I just stared at him. "Geez dude, relax. I'm kidding. I watch TV you know."

His response to my glare wasn't very comforting but there wasn't much I could say. He checked to make sure the way was clear, then floored it. My very relaxed body slapped back against the seat and we were off.

"Hot damn! I love this driving stuff, man. You outta let me do it more often," Homer laughed.

"You don't even have a license, so just take it easy."

Homer looked over at me with a great big smile. "What the hell do I need a license for? This stuff isn't...oh shit!"

The Echo was up to about 90 and while looking at me he had nearly slammed into a Smart Car.

"Gentle with the steering, dumb ass," I chided him. "The Echo isn't a race car. At this speed you could totally flip us. And I'll be so pissed if you get us killed and I can't get to the audition."

Homer, as usual, just laughed. Sometimes, I really envied his carefree attitude. I reached under the passenger seat and opened up the little drawer that was hidden away there. I had a small bottle of Jameson and opened it up. It wasn't like I was driving anymore tonight.

"Are you sure that's a good idea," asked Homer. "You don't wanna be hung over for the audition."

"I'll be fine," I said as I took a swig. "You know us Asians. We don't get hangovers."

"Bullshit," Homer coughed. He looked at me and started laughing. I reached over and mussed his hair.

"Fuck off," I said with a grin. I looked back out the window and watched the world around me slowly begin to fade. I didn't know how fast Homer was driving, but he must have been really pushing it.

We started to pass cars like they were standing still. Their taillights blended together into solid red stripes. Mmm. A Red Stripe sounded good right now.

As we flew past the billboards I began to chuckle. I had just noticed what must have been a sign for the local police department, complete with flashing lights. What the hell police department advertised like that?

"Uh oh," said Homer. "Looks like we got a problem."

I was starting to fade again and glanced over at Homer. "Relax man. We'll get there in time. Hey. Why are you...slowing...down."

I must have fallen asleep. For a bit.

When I woke up I realized we were stopped on the side of the road. I looked at Homer through an alcoholic stupor. He looked tense. Weird.

Suddenly, there was a loud banging on my window. I jumped at the sound, then slowly turned my head to see who it was that was hitting my car.

A police officer, flashlight in hand, was staring at me. He motioned for me to lower my window. I obliged him.

"Son," he said. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Look, officer," I slurred. "I know I'm not supposed to be drinking, but I don't see the harm if I'm not the one at the wheel."

"That's all well and good, son," he replied. "But are you insane or something? Have you seriously been letting him drive?"

"Officer, he's plenty capable. Plus, I'm totally trashed. He's not so bad."

"You sure about that? Did you look at his eyes?"

I looked over at Homer. His eyes did seem to be a bit red.

"Is he high or something," the officer asked, then quickly shifted his focus to me. "Are you?"

"Honestly officer, I've just been drinking a bit."

"Don't tell him that I've been smoking my cottons dude," said Homer. "Don't rat me out."

My head spun toward Homer, a bit to fast because it seemed to take my vision a moment to catch up. "How the hell are you gonna warn me not to tell him you been smokin' cottons. You just said that out loud stupid."

The officer tapped the side of the car. "Son, I'm gonna need you to step outta the vehicle, please."

"Oh come on, officer! I told you he's fine!"

"Buddy, for one, your friend there has been smoking oxycontin, which you've just very plainly spoken. And for two," he paused a moment. "For two, you've got some serious issues and might just be a danger to yourself."

"What the hell are you talking about," I, admittedly, whined. "I'm just a little bit drunk!"

"Son, I don't care how drunk you are. You gotta have some major issues if you're letting your dog smoke oxycontins and drive a goddamn car."

"Oh," I said as I mulled it over in my head. He did seem to have kind of a point.

I got out of the car.

Plenty of Fish

"I love you," said Alex. He spoke to the picture as if she were there. The pain in the pit of his stomach, the ache of emptiness was a reminder of what he'd lost.

He thought about her now, at 4 AM, and thought about what the future would bring. He remembered, with a smile, when he had spoken to her on the phone late at night, many years ago.

He had told her the story of the Princess and the Goblin.

*****

Once upon a time, there was a princess who was pledged to be married to a prince. The prince was not a bad man, but he didn't love her the way she wanted him to. He was often cold, often didn't pay her any mind. It made the princess sad.

One day, she went for a walk in the woods and thought about the prince. When she thought of being forced to marry him, she began to cry. She felt lost.

And as she looked around, she realized that she was lost. She didn't recognize anything, but saw a small cabin. There was smoke coming from the chimney.

As she approached the cabin, looking for help, the occupant came around from the back. She was startled and then afraid. It was a goblin. He hadn't seen her yet, and she thought she might sneak away. But then, she heard a growl.

She turned and saw a huge beast. It's eyes glowed red and they were looking at her. Before she could even think, she was running. The beast gave chase and was gaining on her.

She tripped on a tree root and bumped her head. In a daze, she thought she was done for, when a green blur suddenly flew past her. It crashed into the beast sending it sprawling.

There, between her and the great monster, stood the goblin. He held an axe in his hand and was crouched low, prepared to do battle. As she watched, her vision blurring, the beast gained its feet and roared. She passed out.

When she came to, she looked around. She stared up at a wooded ceiling. It was a simple place, with a table, chair and a rug on the floor. A few pots and pans hung from hooks near a small fireplace. There was an axe on the wall.

She remembered an axe and became nervous. When she turned her head again, she was staring into the face of the goblin. She was afraid, but there seemed to be a look of concern on his face.

"Please, don't be afraid," he said. "I won't hurt you. You hit your head when you fell."

"What of the beast," asked the Princess.

"The beast is dead. I brought you in here where it is safe," replied the goblin. "Once you're feeling better, I can show you back to the castle."

"You know who I am?"

"Of course I do," said the goblin. "But enough of that. How do you feel?"

The princess thought for the briefest time. Her head was still swimming a bit. "Not great," she said.

"Then stay here and rest. We can talk if you'd like."

The princess and the goblin spoke for the rest of the night. He told her how it was that he came to live in the woods. She told him how she came to be lost in them.

By the time they were done talking the sun was coming up. They had talked all night.

It would not be the last time they would do so.

"Will I see you again," asked the princess.

"If you would like."

"Yes, I would," she replied.

"Then I would be happy to see you."

The goblin showed her the way back to the castle. He showed her the trees that she could use to guide her back to the cabin. She used the trees to find her way many times, until she no longer needed them.

The princess and the goblin spent a lot of time together, and she was often away from the castle. The prince she was promised to noticed these absences, and one day he decided to follow her.

When she reached her destination and the prince saw this, he flew into a rage. He drew his sword and attacked! The princess tried to stop him, but he knocked her aside. He swung at the goblin and battle ensued.

The prince was very good with a sword and nearly had the goblin beaten, when there was a loud crack. The prince's eyes rolled into his head and he dropped to the ground. The princess was standing there over him, a large tree branch in her hands.

"Are you okay," asked the goblin.

"Me," she replied. "What about you? I was so worried he would hurt you. Is he dead?"

"It sure looks like it," said the goblin. "I'll take care of him."

A few hours later, the goblin returned.

"He wasn't dead," said the goblin. "But he'll have quite a headache."

"What did you do with him," asked the princess.

"He had a horse. I put him on it and told him to never step foot in these woods again. I made him swear to it."

"I...I was so worried about you," cried the princess. She threw her arms around him and sobbed.

The goblin held her for awhile, then gently pushed her back. He held her at arms length and looked into her eyes.

"Princess," he said. "I know that I'm a goblin and that I don't have much. But I also know that I love you."

The princess was speechless. She hadn't expected this from him.

"I know that you could have countless wealth, but if you were to stay with me, you would always have my love. I'll always do my best to treat you right. I know I won't always be perfect, and I'm sure we'll have our good and bad days. But I'll always love you. No matter what."

A tear ran down the princess' cheek. A smile slowly crept onto her face and she threw her arms around him. "I love you, too."

They held each other then. And while you may think that a princess and a goblin would never belong together, you would be wrong. They lived the rest of their lives together.

The goblin was right. They had there ups and downs. Sometimes they argued. Sometimes, they even went away from each other after an especially tough fight. At one point, they even split up for over a year. But it was only temporary.

Together, they traveled the world. They lived and loved and had beautiful children. They grew old together.

They did many, many things together, but there was one thing that they never did. They never stopped loving one another.

The End

*****

Alex smiled at the memory as a tear ran down his face; it had been such a silly, poorly worded tale. But they were young. He was much older now. He had been with her, and loved her, for over 25 years. He placed the picture of her back onto the table, next to a clipping from the newspaper which he looked at.

The picture for her obituary had been recent. He had wanted to use one from when they had first met. He wanted to use it because that was how he had always seen her.

Even when the first few greys started to show. Even when she had gone on a cruise with her family for a week and had gained some weight. Even after their first child, when she had stretch marks, it hadn't mattered to him. He hadn't seemed to notice. In his eyes, she was always the same, beautiful girl that he had met so long ago.

It had been over five years since she had passed. Friends and family, even the children, said that maybe he should try to move on. They said they knew that he loved her and knew how hard it was for him.

But they didn't know.

Sometimes it hurt. Sometimes, when he lay in bed at night, he would put his arm where she should have been, almost as though he expected her to be there. Sometimes he would wake up at night because he thought he had heard her calling to him.

But she was gone. He would only hear her voice in his head. And while it would sometimes bring tears to his eyes, when he thought of her, he was happy.

There were plenty of fish in the sea, but his was the catch of a lifetime. He didn't want to keep fishing. He didn't need to.

Best Buds

"I hate this part, Homer," said Alex. "Waiting for videos to convert from one format to another blows."

Homer looked at him and sighed. "I know you do buddy. That's probably the only reason you're conversing with me."

Alex looked offended. He had known Homer for a few months and the two of them got along pretty well. He considered him a friend.

"That's nonsense and you know it," Alex replied. "I talk to you all the time. When I go outside to smoke, when I'm watching tv. All the time."

"I guess, but the way you talk to me seems a bit impersonal sometimes."

Alex couldn't believe they were having this conversation. "How can you say that dude? I would say that at least 90 percent of the time I'm talking to you, I'm looking right in the eye. And hell, a lot of those times I'm running my fingers through your hair or massaging your back."

"I suppose that's true."

"You suppose? Dude, what about the times when I'm rubbing your stomach," Alex asked. "Do you consider that impersonal?"

Homer just looked away with a huff. Alex couldn't believe that he was talking to him like this. After everything he'd done for him in the last few months, he thought Homer was being pretty ungrateful.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," said Homer. "You're the one with a problem."

"What the HELL are you talking about? What did I do," Alex yelled. He was getting seriously frustrated with the way Homer was behaving. "How do I have a problem? I'm always nice to you and I do talk to you. You're practically my best friend!"

"And you don't think that might be unhealthy," Homer questioned.

Alex looked incredulous. He was offended and hurt that this was even coming out of Homer's mouth. He thought they were friends.

"Why would I think that talking to my friend is a problem, or unhealthy?"

"Dude," said Homer, nonchalantly. "I'm a fucking dog."

Because I Know

I love to be in love with you
Though I know it hurts me so
You ask me how I know I do
I say, "Because, I know."

I know that you are trying
To move on with your life
But when you are alone at night
You think of being my wife

I love you enough to listen
When you said to walk away
But don't doubt me for one moment
I'll prove my love to you one day

And when I soon come back to you
and when you come back to me
We'll hold each close until
mountains fall into the seas

I love to be in love with you
Though right now it brings me pain
I'll bear the hurt until the time
I can hold you close again