Escape
I've escaped into the silence
And no one follows me.
For deep inside the cold, cold earth
Is where I rest, you see.
So thank you dear
For all your love
I was your favorite, you were my best
And it's over now for me my dear
I've been ruined for the rest.
Incoherent ramblings, from my head to the page. Results will vary. PLEASE FOLLOW and COMMENT!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Just something that made me think
Not a story or anything here. Just thought it was interesting because today I ran a Google Images search on my name (yeah, I'm one of those people). I was in for a pleasant surprise.
When I run a search on my name, I typically use "Warren P Abbott". This time, however, I used just "Warren Abbott". Interestingly enough, my picture was there. Even more interesting was who was pictured next to me.
My Grandfather, also Warren was there, smiling. I can't recall off-hand which of us was higher up on the search listing, nor do I care. I just think it was neat because lately I've felt like I needed something like that.
I'm doing alright, but I could be doing much better. I feel like nothing is right, but that's just the chemical imbalance, I reckon. When I take the time to take stock of what is happening in my life and what I have, I know I'm doing pretty well.
Still, I could do with out some of the thoughts that have been running through my head. I could have done with out a lot of things in my life.
When I run a search on my name, I typically use "Warren P Abbott". This time, however, I used just "Warren Abbott". Interestingly enough, my picture was there. Even more interesting was who was pictured next to me.
My Grandfather, also Warren was there, smiling. I can't recall off-hand which of us was higher up on the search listing, nor do I care. I just think it was neat because lately I've felt like I needed something like that.
I'm doing alright, but I could be doing much better. I feel like nothing is right, but that's just the chemical imbalance, I reckon. When I take the time to take stock of what is happening in my life and what I have, I know I'm doing pretty well.
Still, I could do with out some of the thoughts that have been running through my head. I could have done with out a lot of things in my life.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Worship
Alex entered Jack's small apartment. He'd been worried about his old friend and wanted to check on him. He wasn't there.
On the table near the window there was an ashtray filled with partially smoked cigarettes. A half-cup of coffee was next to it, a ring stained on the ceramic told him that it had been there for some time. But neither of these were what interested him.
Because on the table, laying open, was a journal. Jack often left notes for Alex and had done so now.
Alex sat down in the chair, picked up a half-smoke cigarette, lit it up and began to read.
I'm wondering what I'm doing anymore. As I write this the question comes once again - why am I still alive? What is my purpose?
I continue to aid others. Yet, the old phrase, "physician, heal thyself" is ever present. What has become of me and what am I to do when I am confronted with the emptiness that is me?
When a glass is half empty you can fill it with water. But what can fill a lingering emptiness such as mine? Thoughts, words or deeds?
All are insufficient. All of it is falling short.
I can only hope that my birth has a purpose. Perhaps someday my offspring will do something that will make an impact. Something that I can not.
Perhaps that is my only reason for being. The reason God chose to let a flat-line infant have a pulse once again. Perhaps that is why, though uncertain of any grand plan, i carry on.
Perhaps God was wrong about me. Anne was, and I worshiped her.
The note ended there. Alex finished the cigarette, exhaling the last of it as he spoke. "Oh, Jack. What am I going to do with you?"
He tore the note from the journal, crumpled it up. He stood, mentally exhausted, and walked out of the apartment, tossing the note into a dumpster as he passed by.
He would have to be more vigilant now. Jack was getting worse.
On the table near the window there was an ashtray filled with partially smoked cigarettes. A half-cup of coffee was next to it, a ring stained on the ceramic told him that it had been there for some time. But neither of these were what interested him.
Because on the table, laying open, was a journal. Jack often left notes for Alex and had done so now.
Alex sat down in the chair, picked up a half-smoke cigarette, lit it up and began to read.
I'm wondering what I'm doing anymore. As I write this the question comes once again - why am I still alive? What is my purpose?
I continue to aid others. Yet, the old phrase, "physician, heal thyself" is ever present. What has become of me and what am I to do when I am confronted with the emptiness that is me?
When a glass is half empty you can fill it with water. But what can fill a lingering emptiness such as mine? Thoughts, words or deeds?
All are insufficient. All of it is falling short.
I can only hope that my birth has a purpose. Perhaps someday my offspring will do something that will make an impact. Something that I can not.
Perhaps that is my only reason for being. The reason God chose to let a flat-line infant have a pulse once again. Perhaps that is why, though uncertain of any grand plan, i carry on.
Perhaps God was wrong about me. Anne was, and I worshiped her.
The note ended there. Alex finished the cigarette, exhaling the last of it as he spoke. "Oh, Jack. What am I going to do with you?"
He tore the note from the journal, crumpled it up. He stood, mentally exhausted, and walked out of the apartment, tossing the note into a dumpster as he passed by.
He would have to be more vigilant now. Jack was getting worse.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Camping
Jack stared at the blank sheet. His mind began to drift. Memories swirled, and the pen seemed to write of its own accord.
I've never slept in this tent without her. Not once.
It was always cozy, her snuggled up against me. My arms wrapped around her. One hand resting on a hip, the other enfolding her, caressing her shoulder.
Sometimes I would kiss her neck while running my thumb over the little mole on the back of her arm. Breathing in the scent of her hair. Absorbing the warmth that radiated from her soft skin.
My heart aches now at how large and empty this tent feels. It may as well be a warehouse.
It stores nothing but memories.
Jack put down the pen. His vacant eyes took in the 9x7 enclosure. It felt like his heart would stop. Or perhaps he only wished it would.
He sigh a shuddering breath as he stared at the spot where she would have slept, cold now that she was no longer there.
"I need to buy a new tent," he sighed.
I've never slept in this tent without her. Not once.
It was always cozy, her snuggled up against me. My arms wrapped around her. One hand resting on a hip, the other enfolding her, caressing her shoulder.
Sometimes I would kiss her neck while running my thumb over the little mole on the back of her arm. Breathing in the scent of her hair. Absorbing the warmth that radiated from her soft skin.
My heart aches now at how large and empty this tent feels. It may as well be a warehouse.
It stores nothing but memories.
Jack put down the pen. His vacant eyes took in the 9x7 enclosure. It felt like his heart would stop. Or perhaps he only wished it would.
He sigh a shuddering breath as he stared at the spot where she would have slept, cold now that she was no longer there.
"I need to buy a new tent," he sighed.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Red Stag
A bottle of Red Stag and your memory
That's all I have today.
No Easter meals, no table side giggles
since you went away.
I do not crave the alcohol
that passes on my lips
There is no spirit that compares
To kissing your sweet lips.
The sweet aroma of my drink
Is nothing to your scent
But I'll swallow burning medicine
And dream of days before you went.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Creeps
There is no room in my heart for another
because you are still right there.
My eyes are only for your eyes,
My fingers for combing through your hair.
I know you're happy somewhere else
in someone else's arms
but my heart still beats just for you
and all your lovely charms.
Someday, perhaps, I'll let it go
but it will not be today
my love is only for you dear
no matter what others say.
But sadness creeps into my mind
it's rooted into place.
Because while I long to breathe you in
I can't even recall your lovely face.
because you are still right there.
My eyes are only for your eyes,
My fingers for combing through your hair.
I know you're happy somewhere else
in someone else's arms
but my heart still beats just for you
and all your lovely charms.
Someday, perhaps, I'll let it go
but it will not be today
my love is only for you dear
no matter what others say.
But sadness creeps into my mind
it's rooted into place.
Because while I long to breathe you in
I can't even recall your lovely face.
Braves and Tricksters, Gods and Courage : Stories From the Field (RCA 2012)
NOTE: I wanted to add a sound file to this post. It's a tune that is often in my head when I'm writing and thought I would share it with you. I do not own the rights to the song and if you are the owner of the copyright, I will gladly remove it, should you desire. I just wanted people to hear the somber tune that is playing in my mind while I tap out the words coming from my brain.
------------------------------------------------------------
“A Sound Like Thunder”
--------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
“A Sound Like Thunder”
Many years ago, when I was a young
brave, there was a great dry spell through out our land. The plains
grew yellow, sickly. The streams were but a trickle and worst of all,
the great buffalo was nowhere to be found.
We knew that if the buffalo did not
come soon we would have a very sad, very hard winter. We sent men out
to see if something, anything could be found. But word came back that
there was nothing but death on the plains. Our elders prayed. My
warrior friends took other actions.
“I have heard the cries of our women
and children for too long, Anaka,” said Manok the Fearless. “We
must take action old friend.”
“You speak the truth,” said Anaka
the Strong with a slight nod of smooth, red chin. “Let us take up
our hunting bows and begin a search. The scouts may not have found
anything, but perhaps our luck will be different.”
With that, they gathered up their
weapons and what few supplies they could find, and set out.
The two braves traveled for many moons.
They searched the lands, living on small birds and rodents, lizards
and snakes. They took water where they could find it; near dry river
beds, morning dew on the plants. But the meager rations of meat and
water soon caught up with them.
One day, as they both staggered along,
Anaka stumbled and fell. Manok rushed and knelt at his side. He
helped him sit up, and there his friend rested.
Manok’s dark eyes gazed out into the
sage covered lands, worry creasing his sweat streaked brow.
“I am not afraid, but I think that
very soon we must surely die for lack of real food and water.”
Anaka, sitting deep in thought, rested
his chin on his rust colored fist for quite some time. A gentle wind
ruffled through the feathers in his raven hair, and his eyes began to
light up. He pointed toward the horizon.
“Perhaps not, old friend,” he said.
“Look, there!”
Manok scanned the horizon, and could
see a shimmer off in the distance. It looked like some sort spirit,
wandering the barren land. As it neared, he could see what appeared
to be a white buffalo calf.
As it came nearer still, it was briefly
lost in a shimmer of heat. But when it reappeared it had changed into
the most beautiful woman either had ever seen.
Now perhaps it was that the sun had
gone to his head, but when Anaka saw her, he grew lustful.
“If I am to die out here, at least I
can go with a smile on my lips.”
With renewed strength, he came to his
feet and started toward the woman. Manok tried to stop him, but he
was taken by a madness and shoved his friend away.
Manok fell to the ground hard. He saw
Anaka put his hands on the woman’s arms and try to force himself
upon her. Then there was a blinding flash of light, and his friend
was no more. Where he had stood was a maggot filled pile of putrid,
rotting flesh. It was all that was left of strong Anaka.
Manok knew that this woman possessed
great power, but he was unafraid. He bowed low to her as she spoke.
“Your friend was filled with a
foulness of thought that you could not have known,” she said. “I
have made him match those thoughts.”
“I am sorry for his actions. I would
ask that you allow me to atone for them, lady. How may I serve you?”
She answered by whispering into his
ear. The plains were silent and the beads of his necklace could be
heard from a distance as he nodded his head at her quiet words. She
told him to come back to our village and prepare for her.
As she spoke, she held her hand to his
heart.
“Run swifly,” she said before
sending him on his way. When he appeared near our village he was
running faster than a pronghorn.
He told of what had happened and what
needed to be done. And as the final words escaped his lips, his
strength left him. He fell to the ground, asleep. He slept for many
days.
Some of the people did not believe his
tale, but the elders did as he asked. After all, it could not get any
worse.
Then the white buffalo woman appeared.
She shared her wisdom with us, and told us of good things to come.
She stayed with us for many day.
Finally, she left. We followed her out
into the heat filled plains. She walked away and once again there was
a shimmer in the air. Where she had stood was a small white buffalo
calf.
And as it disappeared into the
distance, we began to hear a sound like thunder. There was not a
cloud in the sky. But there, off on the horizon, was a solid wall of
dark, moving forms.
The great buffalo had come back to us.
--------------------
“A Time and a
Place”
Monkey loved to
play jokes on the people of the kingdom. Often, it was just a simple
joke; resting a half-filled bucket of water above a doorway was a
favorite of his. At other times, his jokes could be quite elaborate,
involving months of planning and whole groups of people.
When the trick
was played, Monkey would, of course, have a good laugh. And while it
occasionally took a bit of prodding from him, eventually, the person
tricked would be laughing too. Thinking that everyone loved his jokes
he began to play them all the time.
Many of the
people grew annoyed by his near constant pranking, but could not
bring themselves to scold him for it. After all, he meant well and
really just wanted to bring a smile to everyones face. Most of the
time, the people of the kingdom would just shake their head and say,
“Oh, Monkey.”
Now as you may
well know, a kingdom must have a king. And, oftentimes, those kings
are very brave and bold. Some are very wise, others are proud.
King Tyrus, while
all of these things, was also a great warrior. He had just led his
men to victory in defense of one of the far corners of the realm.
Returning home, he had called for a great celebration.
When Monkey heard
about this, he began to think. He had heard that King Tyrus loved
cakes. After some calculating, Monkey decided that this would be an
opportunity for his best prank of all. And it would be wonderful to
give the king a good laugh.
He decided to
bake a giant, hollow cake. He would hide inside and pop out at just
the right moment. It would give the king a good laugh. And he could
use laugh, thought Monkey.
The day of the
celebration came. The cake was made and Monkey hid inside. It was
brought before King Tyrus, and he marvelled at how delicious it
looked. He approached the cake, a smile on his face and knife in hand
to cut the first slice.
Just as he
reached out to cut the cake, Monkey burst out with a great whoop. The
king, having been at battle so recently, reacted on instinct and
slashed out with his knife.
His mind caught
up with what was happening and who had popped out of the cake, and he
tried his best to stop the blade. But it was too late.
Monkey was
mortally wounded. He slumped along the edge of cake, smearing icing
all over his fur. His vision was already beginning to fade.
King Tyrus
dropped his knife and reached out for his old friend. His heart was
breaking as he held Monkey in his arms. Monkey, who had always been
so good at making the king smile and laugh.
The people of the
kingdom looked on, stunned. Some of the nobles shook their heads. “Oh
Monkey, poor Monkey,” he heard them say.
A coldness came
upon the king, and his anger began to stir. He glared at all of the
people, and shouted out.
“You all knew
that Monkey was a prankster! But how could you all have let him go so
far? You knew that he would joke when it wasn’t appropriate and yet
you said nothing.”
A tear slid down
the great king’s face, and the people were shamed.
“You never
reproached him,” he wailed. “And now this has happened.”
King Tyrus, who
had faced men in armed combat and feared nothing, now had a quiver in
his voice. “I have brought short the life of someone who just
wanted to make us all smile and laugh,” he croaked.
He looked into
Monkey’s eyes. The light of life was fading from them.
“I’m so sorry
my young friend. One of us should have told you.”
The king bowed
his head in sorrow as he held Monkey close to him. The people joined
him in hanging their heads; they knew he was right. Monkey was their
friend and they should have talked to him about his joking.
And Monkey,
gasping his last breath, realized that the king spoke true. There was
a time and a place for everything.
Like Stone
Many ages ago, the world was a barren
place, and great men roamed the lands. These men were giants and were
feared by all men. All, except for one.
Over many years these giants had looked
down on normal humans as inferior. They treated them like slaves. But
the hunter Braga grew tired of slavery and began to learn all he
could about these giants.
While the others distracted them, Braga
snuck into their great halls and found the books that held their
secrets. He learned how they came to be, and found out that even
though they were massive beings, they indeed had a weakness.
If ever these giants knelt down on
their knees they would become stone. This was why they had enslaved
man - so they would never have to bow down. Braga just needed to
figure out how to make them kneel.
He prayed for days to the God Who Does
Not Answer. This silent God did not intercede on man’s behalf.
Rather, when prayed to, he would let a man come to find his own
truths, his own strengths. And after days of praying to his God,
Braga found his answer.
In the places where they slaved away,
the people would sometimes find beautiful, black stones that shined
with a strange inner light.
Braga discovered that they could be
carved into wonderful ornaments or deadly weapons. But weapons would
do no good against giants like these. So Braga had the people find
the largest pieces. These they carved into magnificent totems and
ornaments. They left them, not at the great altars of the giants, but
scattered about, near where the giants would often roam.
As the giants came across the baubles
they were enthralled. They sought the humans out in the hopes that
they would bring them to the altars, but the people had hidden
themselves and could not be found.
Overtaken with greed for these
treasures, the giants gathered together to divide the spoils. They
all picked their favorites, then knelt down to pick them up. Once on
their knees, the slow change began to take them. They were becoming
stone.
Their hair became the trees, and their
blood the life giving waters of the world. Their breath became the
winds and clouds. And their bones became great jewels.
As they changed, the people emerged
once again. And Braga, having defeated them, shouted out.
“Just as you looked down upon us, and
stood upon our hard working backs, so to will we climb upon your
backs. We shall stand upon your stone faces and look down upon you.
You have reaped what you sowed. And now you see that even those as
great as you must pay the price of treating others with disrespect.”
And this is where the mountains and
woods that surround us come from. This is also why we must be
respectful of them. For if we fail to show our world and its beauties
the proper respect, it is said that the mountains will rise up once
more and make us their slaves.
--------------------
Play On
Once upon a time, there was a great
fire that raged across the earth. For years this fire blazed, eating
away at the vegetation and killing the animals that it caught
unaware.
The great spirits of the earth came
together and held a counsel.
“We must put an end to this fire,”
said the Northern Wind.
“And we must warn our animal
friends,” said the Eastern Sun.
“The fire is heading toward my
lands,” said the Southern Rain. “I can stop it. But to do so I
will need to create a great flood. I can do this, but I don’t wish
for my animal friends to come to harm.”
“Then we shall warn them,” said the
Western Sky. “But whom to send? The birds of the sky are swift, but
they do not speak the same language as the creatures of the ground.”
“Then we will ask two of the fastest
animals that roam the land. Perhaps one of them will be able to warn
the others.”
They sent word and in no time, the Elk
and the Pronghorn came to them. Both were swift creatures who could
easily bring the warning to the others. But when asked, only one
offered to help.
“I am too large to help you with
this,” said the Elk. “And my beautiful antlers might get snagged
or damaged during the run. I would much rather roam the open lands
than go into the forests and mountains to deliver a message to these
others.”
“The Pronghorn is tiny compared to
me. And his antlers are laughable. Send him instead.”
The Pronghorn looked to his old friend,
wounded. “I had no idea you had so little respect for me,” he
said. “Yes, I am smaller and only have my simple horns. But I am
swift, even faster than you, and I will help spread the warning.”
The great spirits were very pleased
with the Pronghorn, and angry at the Elk.
“Because you have chosen to help,”
they said to the Pronghorn. “You will forever be allowed to roam
and play in the great plains.”
Then they turned to the Elk. “But
you,” they said. “Because you care only for yourself and your
precious antlers...you will be hunted. You will be driven from the
plains into the forests and mountains you so despise. Now get out of
our site!”
With a huff, the Elk turned and stormed
away.
The Pronghorn waited for his
instructions. When they had been given, he set off on his mission. He
ran as fast as he could. He shouted his warning to all of the
animals. Those of the forests, hills, mountains and valleys heard his
cries.
And as the fires approached the rains
began to fall heavily. But all of the animals had fled. The waters
poured down, flooding the land and dousing the fire. All were saved.
They thanked the great spirits, but
were told that it was not they who deserved the thanks. They said it
was the Pronghorn who had given the warning, and it was he who should
be thanked. And they gathered the animals to do so.
But when they looked for him, he was
nowhere to be found.
After much searching, one of the
animals gave a shout. They had found the Pronghorn! When the others
came to see they began to smile and laugh.
There was the Pronghorn, leaping and
running. He danced and played upon the great plains. It was all the
thanks he needed.
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